When it comes to controlling casual dating, many of us think we know quite well what it looks like and how to avoid it: someone who isolates you punishes you, and makes you financially dependent. In some cases, the signs of a controlling or obsessive casual dater are very obvious. But not all are like that. There are plenty of other types of casual dating that you may not know or recognize. Someone who has been in control for a long time, or who is simply in the habit of lashing out and casually dating, can be very, very good at it. They may do things that are subtle and confusing, or even make you feel like you’re responsible. So it’s important to realize that some of the more subtle behaviors are simply not acceptable.
1 The silent treatment
Ah, that old story. While the silent treatment may seem immature or even downright childish, it can be incredibly effective and very destructive. They may even say they’re just tired or not paying attention, but it’s an incredibly controlling approach that often leaves you feeling anxious, insecure, and desperate to please them and end it.
2Collecting Points
many couples score points over silly things like who changes the toilet paper, but scoring points on emotional things, what you “owe” each other, and bigger issues can all be signs of control. Abusers often score points in their favor, putting you on the defensive.
3Criticizing and Correcting
Correcting or criticizing someone for small things may not seem like a big deal, but doing it all the time can be very hurtful and destabilizing. In doing so, they are sure to establish themselves as the authority and make you doubt your abilities.
4 Sniffing
many people feel the urge to sniff from time to time. And your partner may claim that they are just giving in to that urge. But regular sniffing is often about control and also a violation of complete trust.
5 Protecting you
many controlling people will try their best to convince you, and maybe even themselves, that it is in your best interest. And of course, partners can and do protect each other in some way. But if “protection” is a recurring theme in your relationship, it may be control-related.
6Pretending not to understand
completely casual dating is a sign of controlling behavior, but in some cases, it’s not as serious. Pretending not to understand your point of view (or acting as if it’s unreasonable) is a subtle form of casual dating and control.
“All or nothing,” if you’ve ever done it, is often a way to minimize your point of view and regulate your behavior. If he doesn’t accept shades of gray, you need to act exactly according to his wishes — or you’re wrong.
7Needy
Being needy can seem like a sign of their insecurity. Sometimes it even feels good to be needed. And of course, we all feel needy sometimes. However, if your partner is constantly needy, don’t aim to be uncomfortably close.
8 Embarrassing her in public
Control in casual dating is about authority, and it can also come in unexpected ways. If your partner makes you feel uncomfortable, reveals personal information, or embarrasses you in public, this could be a way to get your way on a casual date. It’s incredibly inconsiderate and disrespectful, and a way to control how you feel around other people and how they see you.
